K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
