Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
