HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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