Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am midnight drunk by noon
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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