yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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