Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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