rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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