Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
