So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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