Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
