Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
