i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I could fuck to npr.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
