im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
