I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
