i permit you to call me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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