i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
