i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
