Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
