do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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