Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize