It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
