Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
