I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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