Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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