Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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