i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
