I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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