i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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