I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Can I color on your dick again?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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