What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize