when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
