and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
