What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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