I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
