Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
