do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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