It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
