sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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