we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
