at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
