the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
