I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We need to get me chipped asap
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
