one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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