remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
