i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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