I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
