I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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