peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
