hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
