I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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