Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
