yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You're like the curious george of whores
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize