so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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