The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
