Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
