Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
