Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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