Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
