I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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