At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
