Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
