How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
