Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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