He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
