I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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