dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
