I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize