I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
