Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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