I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize